You were completely oblivious to the fact that no one would care if you killed yourself. Your friends are probably pretend hippies. Even though you've never been to Europe, you know it's totally wayyyy better than America. You have good taste in music and want everyone to know it. You could be on your yacht with your supermodel wife/wives and suddenly, as soon as Pyramid Song floats out of your diamond encrusted jam box, you tie a cinderblock to your leg and jump into the sea.
An orphaned baby monkey on crack is hilarious. But that doesn't really make sense, does it? An orphaned baby monkey is sad. Seriously, it's like the saddest thing you've ever seen… ON CRACK. And I don't even know what the words are. It's just really really really depressing. Not because it's so fantastically terrible that you want to jam a screwdriver in your ear to stop the pain. Not because you can't get it out of your head. This song may actually make you want to kill yourself. What better way to sign off than with a song that literally says goodbye for you? For maximum effect, hang yourself so that you look like one of those marionettes from the music video.
I think we can all agree that you were better off before this FutureSex/LoveSounds thing happened. Oh JTLake, whatever happened to those glorious curls? The frosted tips? You traded them in for skinny suits and horn-rimmed glasses. You really hope for a rap/rock eulogy performed by Shifty.
You weren't that surprised when you found out DJ AM died. You may have some tattoos in naughty places. That by itself will probably force you to slit your wrists. You hear it on the radio and you'll be humming it to yourself all day. True, the lyrics are basically meaningless, but most songs have meaningless lyrics. Whoever created that list or voted for this song deserves to be in jail. Recently, someone told me that this was voted the worst song of the past decade. People will speak of you with great respect. You got the munchies so bad that you killed yourself to get a cheeseburger. Some people think that you get 70 virgins when you get to “Paradise.” I could care less about virgins. “Cheeseburger in Paradise” – Jimmy BuffettĬlassic rock from a classic rocker. When the cops find your body, they will be thoroughly impressed. So when the mood strikes, put on one of these sweet tracks and shove a pitchfork through your neck. Sometimes you just have to kill yourself.